Can You Hear Disappointment Before It Turns Into a Scream?

Following a recent piece I wrote about disappointment, I had a coaching session today where we touched on a deep sense of disappointment. My brave client decided to turn toward this long-ignored emotion and confront it. She was ready to face it, and I suggested a method I often use in Gestalt coaching. She agreed, and we began to carefully explore the feeling of disappointment.

As my client embraced the emotion, I took its place, and together, we began a dialogue with it. This quiet presence in her chest, sitting silently for so long, turned out to be surprisingly vocal. It wanted to be seen, heard, and understood. Its messages were clear: "Let go of your rush. Return to yourself. Focus on what truly matters. Stop wasting time on the unnecessary." When ignored, its tone shifted—disappointment morphed into frustration and then anger, leaving destruction in its wake and burdening her with guilt. This cycle was so rapid and visible that as my client gained awareness, the emotion laid itself bare before us.

Disappointment, like all emotions, is a messenger. When left unheard, it raises its voice. Yet, as a messenger, it surprised us with its delicate and gentle nature hidden beneath the sadness. This emotion wasn’t merely a source of distress; it was also a motivator, a prompt for action, and a reminder to pause and rest when needed. Suppressing or dismissing it turned it into a scream—a desperate attempt to capture attention. But its purpose remained consistent: to awaken, to center, and to bring awareness to the situation at hand.

This experience reminded me once again of how powerful emotions can be as guides. For a long time, I’ve viewed emotions as companions on my journey. By turning inward in the face of events, listening to what I feel, and tracing the messages within those emotions, I’ve found my greatest guidance in understanding myself. Yet, I know I haven’t made peace with all my emotions. Take anger, for example—our relationship remains distant. My last encounter with anger felt like stepping into a battlefield, even in the comfort of a loving embrace. I avoid feeling anger because I’m all too familiar with the guilt that follows. While maintaining this distance helps me manage crises, I can’t fully see how the pent-up energy within impacts me.

Now I understand: the goal isn’t to suppress, control, or direct emotions. The key is to get better at feeling them, to give them space, and to sit with them. It’s about hearing the emotion and understanding the message it’s trying to convey. In Gestalt coaching, the goal isn’t to drive change but to foster awareness. And where there is awareness, change naturally follows. When we bring awareness to the present moment, we can make authentic choices and open the door to transformation.

True change begins not with trying to become someone else, but by accepting ourselves—our emotions and our thoughts—as they are. When we stray from our authentic self, we lose touch with the signals emotions send us. Emotions are here to guide us toward a meaningful path in life, but if we suppress or ignore them, their messages will never reach us.

If we’re not fully present in the here and now, we become trapped in cycles of the past. We relive the emotions brought about by past experiences, unable to gain the awareness needed to break free. That’s why listening to emotions, feeling them, and engaging with them isn’t just about fleeting relief—it’s the key to profound transformation.

Disappointment, anger, fear… they’re all here to tell us something. Seeing them, recognizing their voice, and understanding their message requires us to pause and muster some courage. And remember: an unacknowledged emotion always whispers before it screams. When we dare to listen, the emotion dares to awaken us.