Dancing with Emotions

It took me about 35 years to realize that I am a being with emotional ups and downs and to accept that it's normal to be designed this way. In complex and sometimes challenging situations, my only reaction was to quickly escape from the situation. My feet, which did not like conflict and wanted to get away quickly, were perhaps conditioned by being a "good girl." Sometimes, when I couldn’t escape, I would remain silent and act as if nothing had happened.

Over time, as I began to notice my emotions and allowed myself to discover that they are a form of energy with specific frequencies, I also realized that befriending them was a strength. The Human Design reading, Enneagram training, and Gestalt coaching I received were key in helping me face my emotions. Realizing that when I suppressed my emotions, I was covering up my authenticity, painfully brought the awareness that these were strategies I had developed, chains I had placed on my own authenticity.

Allowing myself to experience emotions showed me how they served me when I went through the dark night of my soul. Realizing that I created everything I experienced in my life helped me understand that these experiences served me in some way. This awareness brought me to a point of acceptance and reduced my resistance. When I let go of resistance, I allowed all the help offered to me in every moment of my life. This doesn’t mean that emotions control my actions; rather, by making space for my emotions without abandoning my responsibilities, I allow myself to experience them.

Fully feeling and passing through emotions requires facing my own darkness. Yes, it’s somewhat uncomfortable. It requires being vulnerable, brave, and descending into those dark wells. But the more I go down, the more my vessel expands, and I can dare to look at those emotions with my clients. Allowing and hosting emotions, although painful at the moment, makes me feel validated from within and guided by my inner world, no matter where I am on my journey. The criteria used to evaluate myself are not related to being liked or treated well.

Recently, I watched the movie "Inside Out 2." I was quite impressed by the first one, and the second part included different emotional colors that come with growth. A scene dominated by anxiety took me back to a scene where I faced anxiety in my Gestalt training. In this session where I had the opportunity to confront and listen to anxiety, I saw what kinds of gifts anxiety offered me. Until then, I had always projected it and didn’t attribute it to myself. However, having a conversation with anxiety and listening to it was quite transformative for me. I realized then and there that no emotion is good or bad and that they serve my life.

After that, my journey of working with emotions involved observing my body, looking at my thoughts, and practicing with them for a few days, which deepened my friendship with them. At the end of each day, I made it a habit to evaluate my emotions by reflecting on the day. Some of the questions I asked myself were:

• What emotions did I experience today?

• How did I react to these situations?

• Did I like my reactions?

• How could I have managed them differently?

• What triggered me?

• How can I respond next time with a Plan B?

These questions help me understand myself better and manage my emotions more healthily. Should emotions be managed? I think not...

To me, they are energies that need to be experienced and lived through on the journey to integration. In this speed and hustle, descending into the body and experiencing emotions through the body, without getting lost in the mind, seems to be the key to reaching love and being in the heart.

With love,

Sara.